tristeza

I can't hold back the thought: Is God mocking me for all the times I said I didn't want to be a housewife? Am I supposed to just accept this as my role right now? I'm having such a hard time.

I don't really think he's doing that, not in the depths of my soul. But down there, there is a constant battle between who I want God to be and who he really is, and then of course, the battle between darkness and light.

I need you God. That's all there is to it. There's nothing else. I (obviously) don't need a job, but I want one. I don't need a husband, but I'm glad I have one, and therefore, want one. I don't need a dog, but I like having one. Do I need to be stripped bare like Job? Job knew he needed God, it wasn't for Job's sake God stripped him ... at least I don't think. It was for the enemy. To prove God's glory in Job's life. I can't help but think it seems so cruel.

Please God, hear the cry of my heart. I'm struggling and in the good and the bad, I need you I need you I need you. Can you hear me? I know I need you. Please God show me what to do. Give me prudence, patience, perseverance, and constant reminders that You are all I'm living for: I need to find my purpose in You, not in a career or a hoozband or a lifestyle. Please God, hear me and deliver me from this sadness.

I love you, and I need you.

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