an obvious work in progress, me and it

I used to think it unfortunate that I never remembered my initial encounter with Jesus Christ. I grew up in a Christian home and from the time I can remember thinking, I remember being a Christian. Before I could write, I would walk around the house singing songs to God, and my father would write them down. I never had the "encounter" type of salvation. God was always Christ, and I was always Christ's follower. I recently met a man who said, "I hope my children can grow up never knowing what it is like to walk a day without Christ." That statement really touched me, and I realized how blessed I have been to be one of those children. During my schooling at a private Christian school, my faith in God was grounded on the principles of the Bible and learning to have a daily quiet time with the Lord.

The basis of my salvation comes from the amazing grace of God. As hard as it is for my finite brain to understand the concept of being saved by grace and not by works -- my salvation only comes by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, who took on my sins and became the atonement for the wages of death I should have paid.


It was in college when the intellectual aspect of my faith was stimulated with constant conversations about what I believed. In the ensuing years after college, especially the time I spent in Honduras, the practicality of my faith was really tested. Christ has been romancing me from my birth, and in Honduras, away from every Christian comfort zone I had, Christ was refining my weaknesses and making me personally aware of how deep his grace flows. Christ means everything to me - he is the reason I live and move, and I can only hope my lifestyle will make others homesick for a relationship with him.




Antes, pensaba que fue _____ que nunca recordi mi primer encuentro con Jesus Cristo. Yo naci en un hogar cristiano, y desde el tiempo puedo recordar pensar, puedo recordar que Cristo fue una parte de mi vida. Antes de podia escribir, yo estaba caminando en mi casa cantando canciones a Dios, y mi papa me siguo y escribio las canciones. Nunca tenia un tipo de salvacion como un encuentro. Dios siempre, en mi mente, era Jesus, y yo siempre era una siguente del Cristo. Yo oi un hombre una vez diciendo que el espera que sus hijos nunca sabran a caminar un dia sin Cristo. Esa pensamiento me toco y me dio cuenta que soy muy bendecida porque soy una de estas tipas de personas. Durante la escuela secondaria en una escuela cristiana, mi fe en Dios fue GROUNDED en los principios de la Biblia. Y alla aprendi como tener un tiempo separado con Dios diariamente. La fundacion de mi salvacion viene de la gracia inexpresible de Dios. Es dificil por mi mente finita a comprender el concepto de ser salvado solo de gracia y no de obras del mano. Solo tengo salvacion por el muerto y resuRECTION de Jesus Cristo, quien tomo mis pecados y hizo THE ATONMENT por los WAGES de muerto que yo debia pagar. Fue en la universidad cuando el aspeto intelectual de mi fe fue stimulado con bastante conversaciones sobre lo que crei. En los anos despues de la universidad, especialmiento el ano y medio en Honduras, el PRACTICALITY de mi fe fue examinado. Cristo me _____ de mi nacimiento, y en Honduras, lejos de los las zonas cristianas comodas que tuve, Cristo me _____ mis debilidades y me dio cuenta personalmente de las profundidades de su gracia. Cristo es todo para mi, el es el razon que vivo y muevo, y yo solo espero que mi manera de vivir puede atraer otra gente a una relacion con el.

though he slay me

"Though he slay me, I will hope in him; yet I will argue my ways to his face. This will be my salvation, that the godless shall not come before him." -Job 13:15-16

One could argue Job's distress had made his sight blurry, but it seems the book of Job is there partly to stifle the common opinion of God ... like his friends had. Job is the one rewarded at the end, even despite as bold a statement as this:

In common tongue, he's saying ... The hand that feeds is doing worse than taking my life, the hand that feeds is making life miserable. But I know that God is my all, without him, I am nothing. And even though his decision-making isn't what I want it to be, I'm still going to trust in him. But! When I get to talk to the hand, I'm going to let him have it, knowing full well that I am nothing in his presence, but also knowing full well that even to be in his presence is a sign that I am his and he is mine.

In verse 18, Job talks about how he's prepared his case. This is all that's been on his mind (how could it not be?) and he's ready to give his best defense against the King of Kings. I find it so interesting that God, it seems, despite in later chapters when he silences Job, likes the fact that Job is bold enough to not be silent. Like Jacob, Job wrestles with God. Like David, Job knows that God desires truth in the inmost parts. No fakeness, no politics, no beating around the bush in God's presence. Why? Because he made that bush, and knows exactly what we humans scheme in our attempts to be what we think he wants us to be, which is really the exact opposite. God wants us to be real, and Job is as authentic as it gets. He's so real, his opinion changes and he's not afraid to say it. Before he ... should I say... attempts to argue with God, he's ready. He's written down his lines, he's packing up the ammo. But when the other side fires, he realizes his little slingshot aint nothing to God's atomic bomb. He later declares he is wrong, that the "things too wonderful" for a human being to understand (see Job 42:3), were beyond his knowledge.

Just as I believe free will and God's sovereignty exist al mismo tiempo, I too think that Job is right in both instances. I think God desires for us to be honest in those moments we are angry with him. And then he will line up our honesty with his, and of course, we will understand that the things we see as truth are only half or maybe one-fourth of the real deal.

Though I don't understand my God, though he does/allows things that don't make sense to me, though my happiness weighs nothing in comparison to his glory, I will still serve him, I will still love him ... I will still hope in this God I do not fully know. For I am but a vapor, and He -- life itself.

In Awe

...Then the kings of the earth and the great ones and the generals and the rich and the powerful, and everyone, slave and free, hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains, calling to the mountains and rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who is seated on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb, for the great day of their wrath has come, and who can stand?"

-Revelation 6:15-17

One of the greatest weaknesses of the modern church is the idea that God is love and love is God. It is taught in Sunday schools and from pulpits and in books and on felt boards. It is true that God is love, for his infallible word says that. But we, the church, have put our own definition of "love" in place of the true one, which to be quite honest, I'm not sure we can quite fully grasp. God is love, but he is holy and he is authoritative and he is a King as well. Esther was scared for her life by simply entering the King's room to talk to him. This is what we have forgotten. This is why reformed theology is so hard to accept. To think that God is tough enough to create people (like Pharaoh in Romans 9) simply for His glory and their demise. But even if a person falls into the Arminian belief, they must come to grips with the God who sent the flood, allowed the plagues, let Jospeh live in prison for a ridiculously long duration of his life, asked Abe to kill the promise child, allowed Satan to destroy Job's property, family, and even the skin on his back ... a God who's very idea of redemption is disturbing ... A CROSS??? God is not Santa Claus, and as John Eldridge put it, he is not Mr. Rogers either.

The fact that the whole remaining peoples of the earth despite their differences all unify as a huddled mass in the caves to attempt to hide from the wrath of the Lamb, must remind us that we are not dealing with a best friend we can give a secret handshake to. He is God, he is King, he is Lord of Lords, King of Kings, he is the ALMIGHTY, the Beginning and the End, Son of Man, Son of God, The Great I AM ... the jealous God who had to appear to Moses's back in the cleft of a rock.

The end of the world has been on my mind a lot lately. We are studying revelation in Bible Study, which is a bit heavy at times, but I'm so glad. I forget all too easy that the God I pray to each day is much more than a father-figure. And Revelation reminds me of how powerful He is, and how the fear of the Lord is truly the beginning of wisdom.

I don't want to be afraid when judgment comes, but I also don't want to undermine the coming King!